Dear Lil Kim, From: A Fan

In 1996, I was struggling to get past and heal from sexual assault by a family member. I was confused, ashamed and felt disrespected. I felt as though I had disrespected myself and allowed myself to be disrespected in the worse way. I have since learned that I was not the one who should have felt shame, at the tender and innocent age of 11 - rather I should have shamed the perpetrator of one of my most valuable possessions. Time past and I kept this a secret, which only made me withdraw from my family and friends. I was depressed and anger grew inside me with every sunset. I did not know where to turn or who to confide in. I felt alone and damaged.
Around the same time I entered my final year of middle school I heard a few hits from the introductory Junior Mafia album. I was intrigued with the bold, confident, direct and demanding female figure and started a part of my healing process. This young woman changed how I thought about myself and body. Her strong lyrics empowered me to be my inner queen. I found a part of myself that I did not know existed, through her powerful message. Of course I had my dad buy her debut Hard Core album, released November 12, 1996. I mastered Lil Kim's lyrics in a few short weeks, playing the album from the time I got home from school until the time I got dressed to go in the morning - always low enough for my mother not to hear the explicit lyrics. My parents would not have let me listen if they knew what I was hearing. They would say I was too young, but I know that Lil Kim saved me from spiraling further into depression. I admired Lil' Kim for being the first in many categories. My 3 frousins (friend-cousins = cousins that are your friends) and I spent summers learning Queen Bee lyrics and making up dances. I would make us rehearse until we were without fault. LOL. I wrote letters to the Lil Kim fan club and encouraged my cousins to do the same.
In December 13, 1997 I purchased my ticket to the Puff Daddy and The Family Tour at The Summit in Houston, Texas with the money I had been saving for months of doing chores. It was one of the happiest moments of my life; I had never been so close to Lil Kim. As she took the stage I made my way to the stairs to perform her songs at the top of my lungs in my black velour mini dress and matching heels. I felt her energy, despite tragically losing a man she loved so very much earlier in the year. Sigh, what a magical night it was, with a girl friend and no adults. How I wish I had pictures from that night! #goodtimes I was anew at 14 years old.
I thought Kimberly Denise Jones was a beautiful CANCER (#samezodiac) queen...I did not realize that she did not she herself as such. Through the years, yes her appearance has changed. We all have evolved our looks. We all reflect on older pictures and laugh at our wardrobe/fashion, hair, and make up choices. However, in the early 2010s in became clear that Kimberly is dealing with some issues surrounding beauty. I did not understand her plastic surgery choices, because she truly was gorgeous without the breast implants and facial "enhances". (She was) Never a dark skinned girl, I find it terribly sad that lighter skin is her preference. I know what it is like to live on two continents where the common belief in beauty are western features. You have to reinforce your own beauty often in the midst of indirect and shockingly direct messages of white/light as right. I recall feeling sad the day I found out I was not as dark as I thought I was in high school. Through Lil Kim's presence in my universe she helped me see the beauty in Black women. The beauty in their ability to be versatile in more than fashion and behavior, but with words and feelings as well.
At 33, I am a woman who has embraced her natural hair for over 10 years and has learned that she is beautiful as an African queen ought to be without alterations. I remember struggling as a young girl with questions of why is my nose this shape. I disliked the darker areas on my body (arm pits, below my buttocks, inside my forearm and elbows), because I didn't understand. I remember wanting my body to be the same shade in every area; thankfully I had some wise women around me to explain that the eyelashes I sought after were false and the bleaching of skin or airbrushing of images often takes place to change the color of natural skin shades on a woman's body in the various forms of media. For a few years I wore gray contacts to change the color of my eyes, because I foolishly thought lighter eyes were prettier than my medium brown eyes.
I do NOT know what it is like to battle ridiculous images of beauty in the midst of the critical media comparing your weight, shape, fashion, etc. or through cyber bullying on social networks. I do NOT know the words Kimberly has heard and internalized that would allow her to believe that she is not pretty, stunning or valuable as she was born. I pray that she loves her TRUE self, but the continuous European changes to her appearance encourage me to draw very different conclusions. How I wish I could sit and talk with her honestly, no judgment. We must live in our truth, and accept it. That is when healing begins. As she helped to ignite my healing process, I hope there are good people around Kim that will assist her in understanding that she her natural beauty is enough. She has a daughter that looks up to her. She will be Princess Royal's guide into knowing many things. She should not be raised with the notion that lighter women are superior or prettier. Although Kim has never stated this, that I am aware of...her lightening and plastic surgery choices speak volumes. Long live the woman whose lines let us know you will accept me as I am. You will respect me! Kimberly you are a star that shone in my life for several years. May the joy you given others bring you peace. May your inner beauty match your outer beauty one day in a way that satisfies you. No you did not ask me for my opinion...I hope you receive these words with love. *HUGS* - from a genuinely concerned fan