Sweet '16 in Review

Farewell Sweet '16!!
Dear you, I hope you have enjoyed a SWEET 2016.
The year was amazing for me. I have experienced so many firsts. At the age of 33 I am living what I call my "Jesus year". In the past 366 days #leapyear I was blessed to grow in numerous ways. I graduated with masters in Special Education from a private Jesuit institution. I quit a job that was encouraging depression due to the lack of emotional intelligence amongst a senior staff that was completely fine with thriving in the midst of drama. I visited 7 different mountains on two continents and appreciated the blessing of sight like never before. I flew internationally for the first time, to fulfill my dream of teaching and living abroad. This move forced me to conquer some of my phobias...germs and escalators.  Before August 25, 2016 it had been 18 years since I have ridden a down escalator. I could always go up without an issue. However, an incident involving a baby being handed to me once I stepped onto an escalator left me with PTSD. The quick moment in my past caused my body temperature to raise, sweat to break, my heart to race and stomach to experience feelings of anxiety whenever I was faced with a declining escalator. I saw a therapist concerning the problem about 8 years after the incident; she informed me that the only way to conquer the fear was to actually get on an escalator. That sounded like torture, so I never tried... Until the night I arrived in the international airport and there were no options. I followed a non-English speaking family with a stroller; we tried to find an elevator and were directed by an airport employee to use the escalator. Due to the language barrier, I did not know if the nearest elevator was out of order or was very far and out of the way. Either way, I was forced to make a decision and although those usual uncomfortable feelings surfaced, I took a deep breath and thought it is now or never. I am happy that I made the decision to face that fear. Explaining the dilemma to new people whenever we were in a mall or storied building was beyond "getting old".

I also spent the remainder of the year living alone FOR THE FIRST TIME (one of the highlights of my year). There were a couple of years when I shared a Philly row-home with 3 other young women in my early twenties, but I lived with my family most of my life. It has felt so good to meet the woman I am in my space...making my own rules and doing the dishes whenever I feel like it, lol! I have been learning a new language, KOREAN, since June. I have traveled with an expat, I barely knew and went to a spa where nudity was required and the norm (something I never thought I could do comfortably in front of even family members, lol). I slept on the floor in a communal space and bathed with strangers. I took my first solo vacation on an island where I stayed in my first hostel, and chose to be less introverted with my bunk mates. I accepted my truth and started loving my authentic self...decided to feel less awkward about who I am and how I naturally think or do things
[watch this episode of Issa Rae's TAoABG].
I told people what I wanted and needed from them...some were receptive while others had to be dismissed from my life - all for the best. I am seriously contemplating a few other people that need to be cut out, because we no longer add value to each other's lives - or at least I fail to see how the relationship is mutually beneficial. I have decided to live in truth and walk away from those who choose to live in a fantasy. It often feels uncomfortable to have such honest conversations with people we (have) care(d) for; however, I have always felt better once the "weight has been lifted". Not every moment of #sweet16 has been great, but there have been more wonderful moments than not - despite the fact that the first 6 months were spent in a toxic work environment. This year has certainly been filled with #sweet moments that have allowed me to awake each morning feeling happy and at peace.
I am looking forward to getting my finances back in order throughout 2017. I depleted my savings to move abroad, so I need to start that process from scratch. I have declared 2017 the year of the passport and have 7 new countries on my tourist list. I will continue to allow my vision boards to focus and guide me. I feel free for the first time and never thought that feeling was possible for as a woman of color! I have never known the feeling expressed when the phrase "feels like home" is used, but I think how I have been feeling the second half of #sweet16 is damn close.

I recently celebrated my half birthday . The date serves as a reminder to me to reflect on where I was this time last year and to identify how things are different and the same... to think of the things that need to evolve versus remain. There are 3 dates a year I use for such reflection and I can honestly say I am ecstatic at the great feats that have been achieved throughout this past year. At the close of 2015 I was in physical therapy after a car accident that ran me off the road. I wasn't sure if my poor back would ever feel good again. At the commencement of 2016 my (inner) emotional health was in shambles. Today, I stand strong and healthy, physically and mentally...
thankful for my healing.
I wish you and your family health, happiness and wealth in 2017 #yearofthepassport.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!