Her: Holding the Memories
Every morning I awake,
with her
on my mind.
Occasionally she has just visited my dreams,
Other nights I am searching for her presence in them.
I miss her dearly.
Summer nights spent together
Secrets shared at her table
Love given when I was not worthy of receiving it.
I know that I have not imagined…her.
A few days ago I attempted to call with good news,
then paused only to be reminded…
Now that she is absent
I miss her deeply.
Our souls are intertwined…
her voice still rings in my ears.
The softness of skin, the curve of her hips
mixed with her heavy hands and precious feet
will never be erased from memory.
Yet, Her laughter I cannot recall.
At times I burst into tears thinking of the love I am missing,
from her.
Memories are not enough to shed my pain.
I long for her,
Wanting her here to hold one another again.
I shall never forget the way she looked at me
when she learned I accomplished a feat she most desired.
No one has ever looked at me that way!
She was the center of my world
long before I realized my reality starts with her.
The only thing that comforts me
is the thought that we have dwelled
under the same sky and sun.
Her many moons before I,
yet for a time we lived under the amazing mass together.
At present I am forced to walk
beneath the rays of sunshine alone, without her.
I am sensitive to light
so I search for her in the darkness.
She was the glue, and now things feel shattered.
Her duty to heal the brokenness is no more.
Her warrior-weak heart could be replaced by no one.
She comes to me, sometimes,
but not lately.
I know she will return;
we will embrace one another
and celebrate in dance.
To many, you were Ju Mae
but to me you were “Grandma.”
I miss you dearly and deeply
and I thank you for existing
so that I could be.
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