Her: Holding the Memories

Every morning I awake,

with her

on my mind.

Occasionally she has just visited my dreams,

Other nights I am searching for her presence in them.

I miss her dearly.

Summer nights spent together

Secrets shared at her table

Love given when I was not worthy of receiving it.

I know that I have not imagined…her.

A few days ago I attempted to call with good news,

then paused only to be reminded…

Now that she is absent

I miss her deeply.

Our souls are intertwined…

her voice still rings in my ears.

The softness of skin, the curve of her hips

mixed with her heavy hands and precious feet

will never be erased from memory.

Yet, Her laughter I cannot recall.

At times I burst into tears thinking of the love I am missing,

from her.

Memories are not enough to shed my pain.

I long for her,

Wanting her here to hold one another again.

I shall never forget the way she looked at me

when she learned I accomplished a feat she most desired.

No one has ever looked at me that way!

She was the center of my world

long before I realized my reality starts with her.

The only thing that comforts me

is the thought that we have dwelled

under the same sky and sun.

Her many moons before I,

yet for a time we lived under the amazing mass together.

At present I am forced to walk

beneath the rays of sunshine alone, without her.

I am sensitive to light

so I search for her in the darkness.

She was the glue, and now things feel shattered.

Her duty to heal the brokenness is no more.

Her warrior-weak heart could be replaced by no one.

She comes to me, sometimes,

but not lately.

I know she will return;

we will embrace one another

and celebrate in dance.

To many, you were Ju Mae

but to me you were “Grandma.”

I miss you dearly and deeply

and I thank you for existing

so that I could be.

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